Our concept of time changes throughout our life. When we are children, the summers are endless and a 30 minute drive felt as if it would last forever. One of Andrew’s famous lines was, “This is taking for a long time!”, even if it was a short trip. As we get older, time seems to fly; the days are long, (but never long enough to get everything done) and the weeks are long and the weekends short. Now in our house, we often measure time in a different way: before or after Andrew died, because our life paths took a drastic and unplanned hairpin turn on March 13, 2016. It took a long time to be able to utter, “No, that happened after Andrew died,” or “She started that before Andrew died.” The journey of coming to the place where those words can be said without doubling over in gut wrenching pain is not easy. Talking, endless talking and sharing our story, therapy, both professional and with friends and family, somehow normalizes the abnormal. People always tell me how strong I am to be able to stand up and share the messages that I do, but truth be told, it is all an act. I have to put on a façade, let the adrenaline flow, because it is not until after my presentation, do I collapse under the weight of it. And that’s ok. I allow myself the time to grieve all over again, in my own time.
Time is of the essence, they say. It sure is so don’t waste it. Your work can wait; play hooky with your kids on a weekday and take them to their favourite fun place (says the teacher!!). The house chores can wait on a Saturday: choose to go throw the fall leaves in the air or splash in a puddle. When we make the best use of time there are no regrets. Nurture your relationships because those memories are what will remain as time marches on.
What is your favourite way to spend time?